2. I love Jet Blue. They aren't stingy about carry on sizes like American and AirFrance. They have TV, leg room, and cans of Diet Coke. I love Diet Coke*, specifically when it comes in a can with extra aspartame.
Here is a nice ancedote about Jet Blue: A bunch of their morning flights were delayed. Rather than just apologizing profusely to their customers, the brought out snacks and refreshments for everyone in the boarding area. My flight wasn't even delayed, but I still had access to as much soda, water, apple juice, blue potato chips, and animal crackers as I wanted.
3. If I go anywhere outside of the Seattle metro area, crazy men will hit on me. Never fails. It might be a biker (not the super fit athletic kind), a lonely professor from the midwest, or a recently divorced German man who doesn't speak English. Never fails. Normal doesn't come near me.
4. It is useless to try to cherry pick a seat while waiting at an airport gate. Today, as I left Long Beach I thought that I was being smart by picking a seat away from the family of five, but next to the quiet old lady reading a Mary Higgins Clark novel. (The only respectable looking man at the gate was picking his nose while reading something on his iPad.) I enjoyed reading in my seat for awhile, until I started to get distracted by the conversation going on in the row directly behind me:
Crazy Man: How was your christmas?
Innocent Airport Person: It was good. I got some good gifts.
CM: My girl called and said she liked the gift I got for her kids. I got them an 11x5 foot painting of spongebob.... I didn't catch your name?
IAP: Oh, I'm (a nice girl trying to be polite to you)
CM: Nice to meet you. I'm (incredibly annoying and can't take a hint). Where are you from?
CM: Nice to meet you. I'm (incredibly annoying and can't take a hint). Where are you from?
IAP: Washington State.
CM: Oh wow! haha. Washington. Is it nice there? Y'know, I'd love to just go over to the IRS and moon 'em.
IAP: haha, um, yeah. Where are you from?
CM: I live in connecticut now, but I'm from Italy.** I just moved from the city out to the country. It is nuts out there! The other day I seen a bobcat. I'm tellin ya, a bobcat?! The head is like the size of my skull!! ..... I can't wait to get back home and get that iphone 5.
(silence)
CM: If you're into music, this is my sister's fiance's first CD.
IAP: oh, that's nice
CM: Don't pay attention to what he wrote on there; he was being an asshole.
(silence)
CM: Yeah, I was reading the newspaper down here in Cali. They're talking about a bunch of new laws.
IAP: Oh, what kind?
CM: Just a bunch of bullshit.
Now, crazy man was sitting directly behind me, and I had already felt him look in my direction several times. I figured that it was only a matter of time before he started talking to me (see #3). Or, he was going to look over my shoulder and see me writing all of his quotes in my iPhone so I could remember to blog about them later. Either way, I didn't want to be around for it. I'm (still) trying to cut down on my candy intake, so I got up to go buy some SmartWater.
5. I'm terribly unprepared for the zombie apocalypse. I spent the entire afternoon on New Year's Eve watching The Walking Dead marathon on AMC with my BFF and her husband. Until yesterday, I didn't even know how to kill a zombie. I know a fair amount about vampires from reading the first three Twilight books. Also, as a tween, I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I've seen Jurassic Park enough times to know how to handle a Tyrannosaurus Rex. But, zombies? Totally uneducated.
*Not to be confused with Coca-Cola Light, which is almost as awful as Coke Zero. When I ask for a Diet Coke, that's what I mean. Diet Coke. Not one of those awful knock offs, and certainly not a Diet Pepsi.***
**I found this hard to believe, given that he looked like the next star of Bayou Billionaires.
***Sometimes when I blog, I don't use complete sentences. I'm not an idiot. I know these are fragments. You should have noticed this poor grammar immediately. Hopefully, you found it slightly annoying, yet funny and ironic. If you don't know what I'm talking about, please go sign up for a writing class at community college. Now.
